Smooth Chin - Rough Story

Dave and his beard durring happier times

Beard Thefts Rise 11% in Anoka County

     Department of Public Safety statistics released last month showed a fall in the rates of crime in virtually all areas for Anoka County, except for one. Reports of random beard thefts showed a remarkable increase of 11% in 2006.
Area Man Dave O'Brien learned about this statistic the hard way. Wednesday October 25th started like any other day, except for one: he went to sleep with a beard, when he awoke it was gone.
      Mr. O'Brien has sported a goatee since December 1990. "It was about that time I started to feel like I kind of had a pudgy, baby face. Shortly after that while skiing at Afton Alps, a guy in the bar shouts at me 'Hey Pugsley, pass me the ketchup'. This whole table of people exploded with laughter".
      It was at that moment, Mr. O'Brien's 16 year partnership with his beard began. He vowed to never show his naked chin again. It was a promise he had kept until he awoke to find his beard gone.
     "I don't know what this neighborhood is coming to...I mean to steal a man's beard while he sleeps is just wrong".
     When asked if he planed on re-cultivating his sweet-ass beard he dejectedly answered "I don't know, it is just too soon. I mean, I don't know if I could go through this again...".