Area Man Eats Entire Breakfast Entree in .034 Seconds
     Friend to the do.com and renound speed eater Chip Gorney [chip-GORE-knee] while relaxing on a family getaway to the great Southwest consumed two large pancakes and a portion of the accompanying fruit garnish in less than one second.  An incredible feat, without question. He has always been a fast eater, but it should be noted that he usually saves that kind of performance for Christmas or Thanksgiving.
     You would think speed-eating with that kind of ferocity would make a noise like knife on fork or the clatter of fork against the plate, but it didn't.  Witnesses say they didn't really hear anything, but I did feel a rush of air and then the plate was just empty.
     When asked about this feat he shrugged, raising the corners of his oversized mustache "I dunno, I was just hungry I guess..." he replied, looking idly at the end of his cigar."