2006 Masters Won By
Augusta, Georgia —
Minneapolis native and avid
amateur golfer Dave O'Brien won professional golf's most
sought after title.
final round 64 propelled him to an -8 under finish, two strokes ahead of a second
place Phil Mickleson.
"Holy Shit! This course is impossible!" O'Brien was
heard to exclaim.
"I have no idea how this happened to me. I came down here to try
to get tickets and before you know it I am being hustled onto the first tee box."
This unprecedented victory by an unranked player has left PGA
officials at a loss for explanation. Terry McDorment, Director of Media
Operations for the Masters said "This is like someone winning the Kentucky
Derby... no the Indy 500 running on foot. This guy is a 15 handicap hack.
Cinderella Boy, tears in his eyes, I guess..."
Masters officials however were not commenting on speculation that O'Brien
smooth talked his way on to the course and were then too embarrassed to do
anything once he climbed his way up the leader board.
"Never underestimate the power of putting a crisp twenty into the right guys
palm." O'Brien said with a wink.
Clubhouse officials were
further horrified when O'Brien reportedly ended his historic
day by lining the pockets of the green jacket with golf balls from the practice
tee and Masters logoed towels from the men's room. "What?...you think I'm
going to leave a bunch of Titlest ProV1s on the practice range"?
When asked about his historic
win, O'Brien replied "I'm just glad they had a 52
Long Green Jacket"